2 years ago
in Tips & Tricks
It is no more possible to keep your children from seeing and hearing something nasty online than it is in the real world. There are so many sources of information with no effective means of policing them all.
But we can take steps to try to mitigate the worst of its excesses. We can install software to basically filter, block and spy on our precious progeny. There are also websites like hotline.ie where we can report suspected illegal content in a secure and confidential way.
We can hope to rise above the issues – parenting by consent and agreement with an attitude that normalises and educates the worst one can find on the Internet. But there is a third approach I’d like to suggest. Asking the child to make you, or themselves, some promises.
A promise is an exchange, a deal, like a legal contract. If behaviour X is promised, a child can receive benefit Y – and that’s a promise. A promise also offers a talking point, something to discuss and hang your coat on. A list of them is even better. If issues with the behaviour of a child online are likely I think they’ll be evident when a promise is being made or discussed. Long before any line has been crossed. And this could give a valuable insight into potential issues with a child’s behaviour in advance and offer the opportunity for adults to set up further means and processes for keeping that child safe from others - and from themselves.
In considering these promises, I researched online. There is a myriad of resources, but a website called SafeKids was especially useful.
The last three promises are so important but often ignored. The ethics and pitfalls of misrepresenting the truth about oneself, especially when the perpetrator is hidden or in disguise, has been appreciated and discussed since the ancient Greeks. And the potential to fall into these traps has never been easier than today. While those in danger have never been younger. Rumour spreading can result in extreme misery and has even caused suicide.
The ability to block people or information is brilliant though and it will remind the child that, when push comes to shove, they are in control and can take appropriate steps should the need arise.
So those are my 16 promises to discuss with your children. You should! It can do no harm to bring them up and it will definitely lead to some interesting conversations.
But we can take steps to try to mitigate the worst of its excesses. We can install software to basically filter, block and spy on our precious progeny. There are also websites like hotline.ie where we can report suspected illegal content in a secure and confidential way.
We can hope to rise above the issues – parenting by consent and agreement with an attitude that normalises and educates the worst one can find on the Internet. But there is a third approach I’d like to suggest. Asking the child to make you, or themselves, some promises.
Whether a promise is kept or not is not entirely the point. A promise presents a shared understanding, boundary and expectation of civilised behaviour.
A promise is an exchange, a deal, like a legal contract. If behaviour X is promised, a child can receive benefit Y – and that’s a promise. A promise also offers a talking point, something to discuss and hang your coat on. A list of them is even better. If issues with the behaviour of a child online are likely I think they’ll be evident when a promise is being made or discussed. Long before any line has been crossed. And this could give a valuable insight into potential issues with a child’s behaviour in advance and offer the opportunity for adults to set up further means and processes for keeping that child safe from others - and from themselves.
In considering these promises, I researched online. There is a myriad of resources, but a website called SafeKids was especially useful.
Find below 16 promises that you can discuss with your children about their Internet behaviour.
- Tell – I’ll let my parents know if there is something happening online that I know they would consider inappropriate.
- Meetings – I’m not going to meet anyone I meet online unless others know about it. People need to know who I’m meeting, where, when, why, what’s expected. I’ll also make sure I’m not alone and that a parent or responsible friend is with me.
- Pictures and Videos – Today selfies and flirty pictures, complete with pouts and poses are the norm. In general they are fine, but I promise never to post rude or inappropriate pictures or videos online, or to ask others to send some to me. I should assume that any picture or video will be online forever.
- Comfort – If I don’t feel comfortable, it’s a sign. I do not have to respond to requests for information from strangers or indeed do, say or give an answer to anything that makes me feel uncomfortable.
- Talk – I’ll maintain an ongoing conversation with my parents about what I’m doing online, whether that’s on a mobile, laptop, games console or any other device.
- Passwords – I promise to keep these secret from others but not for my parents, unless they are in agreement.
- Software – I know that software can be dangerous to my device and my privacy – so I won’t download any software before my parents or another adult who is skilled in these matters has checked it out.
- Kindness – I will be kind online. You never know what is happening in another person’s real life to make someone behave the way they do online. While I can take online communication with a pinch of salt when it looks too good to be true, I can do the same when something looks or sounds bad. I'll be kind.
- Abuse - I will not join in on abusing individuals. People make mistakes but an online mob is a dangerous thing and can punish people disproportionately for a perceived transgression, or destroy them.
- Trolls - I won't engage with trolls and trouble makers. Responding to online insults brings me down to the level of these, often anonymous, cowards and bullies.
- Personal Information - I will not give out personal information such as my address, telephone number, parents’ work address or telephone number without my parents’ permission. I also won’t give out personal information about others.
- Teach Parents – Parents find it hard to keep up to speed with changes and developments online, so I’ll do my best to let them know what’s happening and teach them how to use sites, software, services or devices should the need arise.
- Time – The Internet is a great resource but it's addictive. I promise to limit my time online, get outside and stay fit and healthy
- Keep it Real – while anyone can pretend to be anything online I'll strive to stay true to myself. I am good enough, clever enough, beautiful and worthy – just the way I am.
- Rumours and Gossip – These are rarely 100% true and often complete lies. Spreading tales about others is as dangerous as bullying and can isolate or even terrorise individuals. So I will never start a rumour or join a mob who would spread them. Once a rumour begins it is almost impossible to stop. So, I promise never to take part in spreading rumours or gossip about others online.
- Block – If I find myself the target of abuse, inappropriate information or anything I feel is not right or even potentially dangerous I will block that person or source and, if necessary, report them to the authorities, moderators or service provider.
The last three promises are so important but often ignored. The ethics and pitfalls of misrepresenting the truth about oneself, especially when the perpetrator is hidden or in disguise, has been appreciated and discussed since the ancient Greeks. And the potential to fall into these traps has never been easier than today. While those in danger have never been younger. Rumour spreading can result in extreme misery and has even caused suicide.
The ability to block people or information is brilliant though and it will remind the child that, when push comes to shove, they are in control and can take appropriate steps should the need arise.
So those are my 16 promises to discuss with your children. You should! It can do no harm to bring them up and it will definitely lead to some interesting conversations.
). It makes possible to monitor your kid location in the real time+you'll get notification every time when your child left selected zone (you are selecting the zones e.g.school, grandma's house, etc.)